“I’ve Turned a Lot of People Off the Past Few Years”
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Justin Bieber‘s Comedy Central roast was a mostly hilarious affair, until the very end when, following a rebuttal (among the highlights: “What do you get when you give a teenager $200 million? A bunch of has-beens calling you a lesbian for two hours”; and “a big screen for Kevin Hart is an iPad mini”), the 21-year-old pop star took a moment to reflect on his troubles in recent years.
After some self-deprecating quips — “I turned a plane into a bong” — Bieber acknowledged having “turned a lot of people off the past few years. … There was no preparing me for this life. I got thrown into this, 12 years old. There are moments I’m proud of and things I’ve done that don’t define who I am. I look forward to being someone you’re proud of. … I’m excited to see what’s next.”
Looking in the camera, he declared, “You have my word — I will not end up broken, pathetic, bitter or sitting on someone else’s roast. I’m at a moment of change. This is a new day.”
Following the five-hour taping, Bieber spoke with reporters about the verbal beatdown, revealing that the many Selena Gomez jokes didn’t bother him. “Everybody was going balls to the wall,” said Bieber. “It was whatever.”
Although he did note that some jokes — like those about Paul Walker — were especially offensive, in the end, it was all in good fun. As for what he’s doing next? Bieber told the room of journalists: “I’m going to Vegas … on my jet, bitch!”
Roast of Justin Bieber airs at 10 pm March 30 on Comedy Central. (and simultaneously on Canada’s Comedy Network.)
http://www.hollywoodreporter.com/news/justin-bieber-ends-roast-humility-781551?source=gravity
Courtesy TheWrap.com, here are the best jokes from the night:
1. Natasha Leggero on fellow roaster Martha Stewart: “I’m not saying Martha Stewart is old, but she needs a new Walker more than the ‘Fast and Furious’ franchise.”
2. Hannibal Buress on Bieber’s music: “You were the fifth most-hated person in the world last year. Kim Jong-Un didn’t even rate that high — and he uses your music to torture people.”
3. Ludacris on Shaquille O’Neal: “Shaq is the first player in the NBA whose shoe size, IQ and jersey are all the same number.
4. Buress on the quality of the dais: “Y’all know it’s a shitty dais when Ludacris is the best actor on it.”
5. Davidson on Kevin Hart fans: “If you don’t know who Kevin Hart is, congratulations on finishing college. Kevin’s next special is just him jiggling keys at you.”
6. Leggero on her male roasters: “There is a lot of star power in here. These guys have made millions — in child support payments.”
7. D’elia on O’Neal: “People don’t realize this, but those ‘I Can’t Breathe” T-shirts were about Shaq’s last season with the Celtics.”
8. Martha Stewart on Hart’s hosting skills: “Kevin, listening to you yell your jokes for the past two hours is the hardest time I’ve ever done.”
9. Stewart on Leggero: “I do a lot of gardening, but you are without a doubt the dirtiest, used-up hoe I have ever seen.”
10. Leggro in a show-stopping joke on the brain power in the room: “Kevin has a huge Napoleon complex. Kevin, Napoleon was the leader of France. Ludacris — France is in Europe. Justin, Europe is a continent. Shaq — a continent is not a free breakfast.”
11. Martha Stewart on Bieber’s social media influence: “Justin, I’m sure it’s great to have 60 million followers on Twitter, but the only place people will be following you in jail is into the shower.”
12. Snoop Dogg on Kevin Hart: “Kevin is from Philadelphia, just like Bill Cosby. And just like Bill Cosby — women can’t tell when Kevin is inside them.”
13. Jeffrey Ross on Bieber’s ex-girlfriend: “Did you break up with Selena Gomez because she grew a mustache before you?”
