Tales from the Studio
        
From Corey Deitz,
Your Guide to Radio.
About.com
Jun 27 2008

Callers from Hell
Being the Radio Guide for About.com is not actually my full-time job, although many probably think it is. I also co-host a morning show Monday through Friday and have been in commercial radio for a long time.
It’s been a while since I penned a piece based on an "inside" perspective so I thought I would write about callers.

People who call radio stations and radio shows are a unique breed. I don’t know what percentage of the audience actually ever dials up a DJ or air-personality, but anecdotally, I’ve always been told by consultants and Program Directors that it is a very small percentage. So small, in fact, that it is somewhat unreliable for basing any kind of programming decision on.

Be that as it may, we get plenty of calls. Most of the calls we receive don’t get on-the-air for a host of reasons – mostly because they are not entertaining.

Well, let me clarify that: most of the calls we record during songs or commercials don’t get on-the-air. When we switch to live call-mode - which is like playing Audio Russian Roulette – then all bets are off. (Thank goodness for our 8-second delay.)

So, who are these Callers from Hell? I will try and describe the basic types and if you recognize yourself in any of then, don’t be offended – be amused.

Johnny Come Latelys – These folks have tuned in right in the middle of or at the end of something interesting and want us to fill them in on everything they missed. This is generally impossible since morning radio programs are streams of thought that keep going forward. The people on-the-air usually don’t have time to do this – and some listeners just don’t get why.

Repeaters – This is actually a funny phenomenon which I first noticed years ago. I don’t know why, but callers in general will always repeat whatever they called to tell you. They state it once, you react in some way, the conversation continues, and inevitably they will state it again. It’s not really annoying as much as it’s just curious. In our studio, one of us usually holds up two fingers upon the repeat because we still find it amusing.

Info Nymphos – Instead of too much sex, they can’t seem to get enough information. Well, that’s all well and good but radio shows and radio stations really aren’t search engines. Yet, some people think we should know everything. We try and do the best we can but when I have to go to a phone book or Google to find something for someone then it’s a sure bet they probably should be taking time to do this them self.

Rimshot Rejects – They call and are sure they have something funny to say. If we don’t react by laughing because it’s either not really amusing or the punch line is lame, you can sense they get upset and leave wondering what’s wrong with US. These are probably the same people who tell jokes at parties – with much the same reaction.

Phantom Dialers – You’d be surprised how often somebody puts their cellphone on autodial and then sets it down on the seat of their car.
Our number is often busy so I guess it’s not a bad strategy. But, what usually happens is when the number does connect, they’ve already become distracted and we wind up just listening to their private conversation or interior car noises. We’ll scream into the phone trying to get their attention but it’s usually pointless.

Just Insane – A small circle of people whirl around out in listener-land who are just plain nuts. There is no other rational explanation. Some of them call and mumble in what only can be some alien language, others call with thoughts that couldn’t be connected together with all the "Mighty Putty" in the world.

Then, there are people like "Paul". He’s one of our callers – even though he doesn’t listen to us anymore. He called this morning to ask us if we had gotten "the message". What message? Oh: he was now listening to "Country". Why was he calling us? Apparently, the DJ at the Country station wasn’t answering the phone. (Do you blame him?)

How about the ones who call in to whatever kind of station you are working at (all news, country, etc) between 10pm-1am and ask you play something from AC/DC?

How about the Programmers who believe 'phone calls' mean the jock's entertaining. Cuz, you know, people don't have lives anymore, right?

i find the majority are made up of the kid caller.. who always start with the mispronounced, "Ki-quest a song?" ..then it usualy naturally parlays into the, "its REALLY important!" Then off phone mic "--what do you guys wanna hear?" or if you reply with a "sure" (cause it just easier to get them off the phone then) they tell you a song you just played and when you explain that they say "oh, ok, well how about.....?" wait, i thought the first song was REALLY important? lol!!

Forgot....

Then when they call you every 15 minutes to ask you why you didn't play their song, you have to end up lying and telling them you DID play their song just to get rid of them.

And how about the forerunner to online dating - when your radio groupies call you.  I remember many jocks arranging after work meetings with their female groupies who called in every night.

How about ignoring them all... all the time. This would be an opportunity to prepare something of value for the next set.

This strategy, by the way, was a condition of my employment. "If you want callers on the air, you've got the wrong guy as I suffer fools very, very badly."

Or, do something so engaging...so interesting...something completely captivating...that the large percentage who don't normally call, feel compelled to call.

  

That's fine, FRED, so long as you don't start answering the "You're so wonderful" calls.

There was a guy named Gil who lived out on Matsqui Prairie. When I was doing all nights at CFVR (from CHWK), he'd call almost every morning around 4:15 or so to tell the jock a dirty joke and then want to chat for a little bit. He was probably about the only guy listening to the station at that hour. Seemed like a nice old guy and probably was just lonely as he was on his own.

-OR60-

What about those who phone and debate the music the station is playing with you. Typically an older guy, who wonders why Ray Orbison isn't on the station playlist, or why Electric Light Orchestra isn't played more often. Since, "they were 20 years ahead of their time".

Putting callers on the air or, for that matter, answering the phones at all can be an enormous waste of time with limited returns to the rest of an audience.

Weeding out the chaff for a quality caller is a mug's game suitable for those with little else better to do.

One of the benefits of working the Majors was the insulation provided. Getting through to the CR was not that easy, particularly since the "Request Line" was there only as a promotional element and was a cynical offering, at best. The constantly flashing phone line became something easily ignored.

Clearly, indeed, Peter.

That gang has given up on any attempts to offer meaningful and ongoing communications to an audience a long time ago.

Instead, they attempt - successfully - to promulgate manipulative, insincere, inaccurate, cookie-cutter elements as alternatives.

Anything, for that matter, that can be accomplished without the active participation of skilled communicators - throwing callers on-the-air being one of them.

These practices are so ingrained as to leave the last generation of broadcasters so imbued with them that they never even question the idea there might be - or were - other paradigms of broadcast communications.

The strategy has been about a.) control, b.) short-term returns and, c.) ease-of-implementation.

Not much room there for hair-triggered, creative Talent.

Back when boss jock radio was king at the likes of WLS, CFUN, LG/73.  i used to love when they played the pre-recorded listener over the intro of the song they were calling to hear...the true professional always hit the POST.  

Back at my first stomping grounds (Cariboo Radio in Quesnel), those who played requests used to keep a binder with the date/hour/name of song to ensure the same ones weren't being played over and over.  Agreed 5% of the listeners made 95% of the requests for the SAME SONG.  We had one jock who would answer the phone for a request, tell the caller "We'll see what we can do", then the moment he hung up yell "F--- Off" at the phone.  Needless to say he didn't have much use for our request binder!!!

At the risk of sounding callous and mean-spirited, the all-time worst request phoners are the ones that wish for a song to be played for a dead guy.

Buddy drove his car off a bridge exactly __ years ago today, so a long blubbering phoner relevant only to those who knew him and Peter Gabriel's "In Your Eyes" must be in order.

As bewildered as I am by the callers who actually think these requests (and subsequent scripted dedications) are actually appropriate for a radio show, I'm even more chagrined by the number of shows that will actually air them.

As someone who does a drive show in a top 40 format... callers can be a real pain in the butt... considering I'm trying to prepare meaningful content for the next break.

Now that summers here it will be torturous with the sheer amount of kids and thier prank calling, and shreiking and giggling, while my finger hovers over the drop button.  Nothing worse than watching the timer count down on the song while some brat goes ummmm ummmmm ummmm.

However, I like to use my callers as a promotional tool, to include in station promotions, to deliver artist and entertainment info.  That way I get the calls on the air, and I get to entertain the majority of the audience that doesn't give a tiny rats ass that a listener is on the air.

I like callers.

Pave, from your posts, I wouldn't listen to your radio show.

Howard Stern has callers... I have trouble turning off the show when I reach my destination.  CBC 3 has no callers.  I have no problem turning off the show when I arrive.

The only example of a non interactive show that can make me listen is Alan Cross.


***

My favourite caller is the play something good guy.

"Hey, why don't you play a good song?"

"Every song I play is good, or I wouldn't play it on MY show.  They are all scientifically proven 'good' with reems of data gleemed from your facebook "

I wish I got calls on my show.. I ask my audience questions, try to get them to interact... but it's rare that anyone calls... Gotta love small markets!  

Hands down my favourite phone call EVER went like this:

Me:  Hi Jack
Them:  What's your phone number?
pause
Me:  Are you sure you don't already have it?
Them:  nope
Me:  280-Jack
Them: Ah, Jack, that's the part I didn't have.....


Sometimes you can only shake your head!!

Safe to say some of you radio  "complacency" staff are getting tired. I always answer the phone. I know many who don't and will only open up the lines when necessary. Larry & Willy have never ever not answered there phones. When they were on the Fox always answered the same on JACK. Don't let your "ego" get the best of you when a caller says something stupid.  

To The Top 40 ! Move up to an adult oriented station you might just get better conversations. If you can relate to your audience on the air(top 40 12/14/15 years old) the phone should be easy for you. Lets also remember some people in radio just can't relate when there speech is not  rehersed. A great jock can do both and pull this conversation your way.  

Larry & Willy always answer their phone? Who informed you of this? Have you ever board opped for Larry & Willy? And while I pepper out the questions: Have you ever stepped outside of your radio head and watched people with a radio on while the jock is talking about dating horrors, relationship disintegration, or Hollywood fodder? Excuse me if I'm missing the more poignant topics that seem to 'drive callers'.
Let's distinguish the difference between 'talk' radio and 'music' intensive radio.

This has been yet another great learning tool for a somewhat-green radio *kid*.  I've always wondered about the whole "Get calls on the air!" thing because so many stations have different opinions.  One jock always told me "Calls on the air is for jocks who aren't creative enough to think up their own material..." and another has said "Our station has a rule that you need a minimum of 2 calls per hour during your show..."  I know some jocks I've listened to will actually come up with a "Topic of the Day" or "Topic of the Hour" to generate some discussion, but I've always been flabbergasted about how they come up with a topic that's going to generate calls.  

I'm looking forward to reading more on this...

Quoted from Gotobreak

Safe to say some of you radio  "complacency" staff are getting tired. I always answer the phone. I know many who don't and will only open up the lines when necessary. Larry & Willy have never ever not answered there phones. When they were on the Fox always answered the same on JACK. Don't let your "ego" get the best of you when a caller says something stupid.  

Don't get me wrong - ALWAYS have your fingers on the phones and your other fingers on Burli to record each and every one of them. For every nine dog turds, there's always one gem that is well-spoken and eager to play along.

But callers are the number one cause of jock support group meetings at the local pub.

These people listen to commercial radio. So often, in fact, that they feel they need to interact with it. You're going to find some weird folks on there.

And do yourself a favor. Keep the relationship limited to the phone.

Stop giving out the station number if you can't make something out of nothing.

By no means am I saying phone calls on radio are meaningless. I'm talking about the hard-ons who can't face the fact that life has changed since 1982 and a jock should be focused on being precise and to the point on a break. Don't focus on 'calls' if you're on a music intensive station. Be yourself, deliver the message and feeling of your station. If calls happen, great. If not, you still had listeners, don't let anyone in programming tell you otherwise. It's like sending sheep for water in the desert...a nearly impossible feat with the exception of the odd puddle. Lazy programming. A PD who sends their jocks off to do the impossible for the lowest amount of pay. Again, talk radio's a different beast. I've never worked it, so I won't venture there except to say when I 'listen' to talk radio, I personally enjoy the personalities who can keep me interested and 'wanting' to call.

Quoted from shoehead

Hands down my favourite phone call EVER went like this:
Me:  Hi Jack
Them:  What's your phone number?
pause
Me:  Are you sure you don't already have it?
Them:  nope
Me:  280-Jack
Them: Ah, Jack, that's the part I didn't have.....

Sometimes you can only shake your head!!

Why is Jr. calling you while you're on the air?

-OR60-

Okay - that made me laugh out loud.

Also - on the topic of Larry and Willy - they don't have a board op.  They run their own board board and they're pretty darn good about picking up the phones.  It can be a bit laborious when you have "relationships" with callers over the years but they do their best to make sure they talk to folks.  

I'm a pro "answer the phone" broadcaster.

It breaks down to the very simple but sadly overlooked philosophy of customer service.

You build your program and brand one customer at a time and that is what listeners of your show are, your customers.  Whether they make it to air or not doesn't matter.  You craft your breaks, and if a calls serves the message better, run it.

The great Quincy McCoy in his book "No Static" talks about it in chapter one.

***

I never opp'd for Larry and Willy, but I grew up loving their program and I called their show twice in my lifetime... and both times they answered the phone.

Something else to think about ....
       I understand that many of the telephone calls .. especially late at night .. are more than annoying .. but Flamethrower is correct in suggesting that answering the calls is a matter of customer service.   And also to be considered is that many of those callers will simply call the newsroom .. should they not get their satisfaction in annoying the jock who has a lot of other noteworthy things to accomplish at that point in time.   That is also annoying ...

       Yet .. the saddest part involves those who simply need to be heard; -- the jock and the newsroom may really be the last bastions of who is still awake at those late and early hours.   Had it happen twice in major market newsroom in central Canada where I was expressly told,  "Don't hang up !!" .. followed by the horrible threat that the caller was going to kill him- or herself once our conversation was over.  Not even thinking that it may simply be a hoax, the conversation continued until medical help was summoned for the caller (on another line) .. and the caller was beyond grateful a few days later.

Thanks for answering the question as to whether you've opped for Larry and Willy or physically seen them answer phones. Since I've taken the time to look over these pages, I've seen a ton.....a copious amount of misinformation and downright negativity to some posters simply asking questions.
Anyone ever have to sit in airchecks when the PD pulls out the "have you ever listened to (Major Market Superstar), and low and behold, you're lost in the moment when suddenly, out of his/her ass comes an aircheck of the exact personality? Miraculously, despite your intent to learn and grow, you're being compared to some mega-jock who answers the phones regularly and now YOU should be doing that too.  Matter of fact, even though you're working small-medium market, you're being asked to 'work the phones' into your show because that's how they do it in the big leagues. (Don't ever be successful at it, because, as I'm sure many will agree, you won't be paid like the superstar you were told to emulate. Unless you have the talent to be part of the small, miniscule percentage of people who work the major market drives and have a population to get the calls from.)
All I'm trying to say is: If it happens, it happens, but don't let the 'old school' ways of doing things get you down. It's just not the same anymore for terrestrial radio. If you're a good personality, you'll be engaging, you'll be inviting, and you'll represent the station well. The phones will happen naturally, you won't have to pretend to be anything you're not, and the best part is: the calls will seem like you've just been buzzed by your best friend. They just don't teach that in the Old School anymore. Check the prep sites or the propeganda your PD gives you, they still have a subject area called "Phone Topics".
By the way, more than a few of us had, and will have the chance to sit in the studio when geniuses like Larry and Willy are working. We've seen how many people are involved in making these shows a success. It's never just 'one' jock.
It's a small percentage of people we're being told to 'emulate'. They get paid well for what they're doing. Absolutely, let yourself set goals, but set them yourself, and find someone who knows what's happening in today's radio world to help you along.
Again, thanks for answering the previous question.

Quoted from McWages

...when suddenly, out of his/her ass comes an aircheck...

Now, THAT is a trick I'd pay to see!

I wouldn't listen to PAVE's show either.  That's a lazy approach to a show that has no meaningful content.   Because if there was meaningful content, people would call to react.  

It's a one way conversation, and we all know how enjoyable one way conversations are!

Of course, it's (Radio) a one-way conversation! And the calls that make it to air are chosen among much chaff and are edited. Plus, the ones which are picked to go to air pass any number of other criteria before they get on and are only illusions of one-way conversations.

It really helps a lot to be likeable.  If you're showing contempt for a good chunk of your audience by saying you don't want to talk to them, you're getting off on the wrong foot.  Very few people want to listen to a socially awkward jerk or, worse, someone who attempts to show how clever they are.  We  all have people like that in our lives, what's the point in inviting another one along with you in the car ride to work?

I can't believe anyone would suggest that having callers on the air is a waste of time.   Sorry Pave, but just reading your posts makes my eyes glaze over.  I can't imagine what your show must be like.

I've worked with a number of drive time shows, and the number 1 thing programmers and consultants love to hear, is the calls coming in from people who have different opinions or comments on an interesting subject...and this is not just talk stations, but music stations too.  

To suggest that listeners have nothing to offer only means YOUR listeners have nothing to offer...which would suggest perhaps, that your show is BORING!

I absolutely agree.  The interaction is infectious on the air.  It instantly takes a jock from talking head to a real person interacting with the audience.  Calls are often what you make them.  Making a statement and doing the "what do you think" on the air can be a tough go.  Try asking people who call to request songs something specific and then build a topic on that.  Get get what you want out of callers off the air and then work it into a piece.  Make the caller work for their request to hear "4 Minutes" for the 800th time.

I've had jocks fall on the crutch of "no one calls" then 2 days later complain about how annoying the requests that come in are because he/she is not allowed to play requests.  Hello?  Those are CALLS.  Try and make something out of them.  And ask something leading and specific..."So where were you when Canada won the gold last night"?  You won't get anything from "Watch the game last night"?

Now, it isn't easy...It might take you a whole show to build one bit from calls...however, the impact you make with that one bit is way better than just spitting out the latest from TMZ.  Don't be scared of a little work.  Gives you something to do while the system is in auto.  

One of my favourite jocks was Rick Everett, afternoons at the Q!   He never solicted calls...he just ran REALLY good calls.  He always made them the star, and made himself the fool.  

To me, a radio show without some kind of audience participation...is, well, voice-tracking.

examples of GREAT use of listeners on the phone:

1) Mike McCoy's "Lovelines" (circa late 70's on LG73)
2) John "Records" Landecker's nightly Boogiecheck on WLS (he'd basically spend 2-3 minutes seeing what was on the minds of his listener and engage in some pretty comical 2 way banter, kept the calls short n snappy), again circa mid 70s.
3) Don Stevens (circa 70s LG73) would do some short and sweet drop ins on his show (lost dog, charity car wash) that worked as well.  

BIGGEST example of BORINGGGGG use of listeners on the phone:

1) all these "Battle of the Sexes" games many morning teams do...they go on waaay too long and they often get the dopiest, most un-interactive contestants. the moment i hear the theme music for the stooopid bit, click, i'm gone.

Quoted from 1555
[u

BIGGEST example of BORINGGGGG use of listeners on the phone[/u]:

1) all these "Battle of the Sexes" games many morning teams do...they go on waaay too long and they often get the dopiest, most un-interactive contestants. the moment i hear the theme music for the stooopid bit, click, i'm gone.

I agree with you CRS .. I have heard too many of these gags .. and that's exactly what I feel like doing when they come on ....
... but your account of some of the best banter with listeners brings back more than just a few memories ....

I find these smug postings so typical of the ME mentality that is so prevalent out there. How about treating the caller as a valued customer? So what if they irritate you? Would you ignore a customer or treat them with distain if they approached you at a department store counter and asked for something unusual or diffrent from what your store supplied?  How arrogant we become after those early days when we were once THRILLED to know someone was listening!  The true pros win their listeners by relating to them, serving them, and giving them a reason to listen again. It doesn't matter if a caller represents only a small fraction of an audience. That's what an audience is; individual people with quirks like all of us. But they CHOSE to listen to YOU and desrve the simple respect we all do. They don't deserve to be ignored, belittled, lied to, and scoffed at.
Who knows? That phone call could actually be worth enough word of mouth to garner you several more listeners. It adds up.